Archives For life lessons


My Poem of the Day

(09/29/14)

A New Day©

In a dark room

Dark thoughts pass through my mind

The cracks in the floor swallow my tears as they flow at the thought of you

I wonder if the light will ever shine here again

Wishes for better things bounce against the walls of my mind

I hear cries from the others trying to reach me

Their words fall lifelessly at their feet for my ears have closed to reason and logic

There is no knowing when and if I shall return from the darkness

I challenge anyone to bring me willingly into the lightness of a new day

Copyright 2014

A New Day©

Felina Silver Robinson


My Poem of the Day

(09/28/14)

Sky-High, Looking Down on You©

I soar overhead

Looking down on all that you do

I see some scurry on their way to work

Others are off to school

I see old man Parker sitting on his porch stoop

All the pigeons gather with their beaks out

Waiting for their morning bread

Mr. Lee opens up his market

Placing fruits and vegetables outside his door

Officer Bill walks his morning beat

And Lucy’s out for her morning jog

All these things I miss

Now that I soar in the sky-high above you

I feel displaced here in limbo

Hoping for something different from from what I have

More like I was use too so long ago

If only it was yesterday

And all could be done again

Maybe, just maybe

I’d be back there again

Until then I stay sky-high, looking down on you

Copyright 2014

Sky-High, Looking Down on You©

Felina Silver Robinson

 


My Poem of the Day

(09/26/14)

Acceptance of all I can’t undo©

There is much I cannot change,

So much I cannot undo

My prayers

The hope I’ve had

All lay’s lifelessly at your feet

I’ve begged

I’ve pleaded

I’ve given reassurance

My words apparently mean nothing

I see before me

That nothing has changed

I’m still beholden to you

For what I’m not certain

I know all that I need is still needed

So I give in

And I give you my Acceptance of all I can’t undo

I’ve asked for forgiveness more than a time or two

Now maybe my chance has come and gone

So I live on in the company of your mercy

Please be patient

Please be kind

As I stay forsaken

Copyright 2014

Acceptance of all I can’t undo©

Felina Silver Robinson


Domestic Violence: An unwanted past, an unwanted future© by Felina Silver Robinson

Due to things that happened in my own life at a young age I seemed prone to relationships with abusive men. I know they had their own past but I was determined not to allow them to steal my future. It appeared that I was a magnet of sorts for problem men. They looked good on the outside and even did good things. They let me see the side they needed me to see so that I would submit to all they wanted. When the time was right and the trap was set, they struck bit, by bit, by bit. The first time I was just purely naive with little to no experience with men. So much so, I had a miscarriage and didn’t even have any idea I was pregnant. After the miscarriage, the abuse started. It felt like I allowed to happen until I found myself unconscious on the bathroom floor. Waking up after 3 days not realizing what had happened to me or why. I just had to take some sort of action. I maneuvered my way out when my boyfriend had gone to work. My father retrieved me and took me back home. After two years of unspeakable violence, one miscarriage and one child, it was over. My mistake was not getting help once it was all said and done. I had no preparation telling me what to look for the next time around.

Just two years later I found myself with what I thought to be an amazing man. After 4 years we were married. Literally, the moment the ring slipped over the knuckle of my ring finger, my stomach dropped. Something felt so wrong. I brushed it off and felt it had to be nervous jitters. We enjoyed our reception, had a strange honeymoon and then returned home.  Things started getting uncomfortable because he was always angry about something. There was nothing I could do to satisfy him. Then he decided he was mad because we lived in apartment that we paid rent for above my parents. So his sister bought a condo for us to move into. Little did I know it was really so she could control my husband.  My husband being angry at her, took it out on me and things just went from bad to worse. One day it got so bad. My then 4 1/2-year-old daughter found me cowering in a corner because I had been kicked in the stomach. 4 days later I had a miscarriage. Time passed and things got no better. 5 and 1/2 months later I decided to move to New Hampshire when a good business opportunity arose. Luckily, I had already filed for divorce. Little did I know however I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. That wasn’t going to make me turn back. After a year, the business that had sent me to New Hampshire sent me home.

I had no put my older daughter in school and was lucky to have onsite daycare at my new job for my baby. I was able to walk to work in 10 minutes things couldn’t get any better. Divorced for two years, my friends thought it was funny and they published an add in a local paper and fixed me up on a blind date. He was sweet. Much bigger of a man than I normally felt comfortable with, but there was a subtle warmness to him. He became my big teddybear. After dating for only 4 months, we were married. Two months afterwards we were married. A month later I miscarried. Not too long after I was pregnant again. at Christmas time a change came over my husband I saw a side I hadn’t seen before. It was ugly and violent. He would call from work saying horrendous things, he had done unspeakable things to both me and my children. After slamming me, his then pregnant wife against the wall, I kicked him out. Come to find out he had bipolar and had taken himself off of his medication, thinking that since he was supposedly happily married he had been cured. Boy was he wrong. Click here to read more on that story. So much went wrong after that. A restraining order and two separate arrests. I had no choice. I kicked him out for the final time.

Almost four years later, my mother-in-law reminds me that her son has been gone for a while and that Seth needs a man in his life. I really wasn’t ready, I had been through so much. My niece and eldest daughter took matters into their own hands and put an ad in our local newspaper in the singles section. There I found my third husband. This was by far the best and worst of all of my relationships to that point. Every moment of every event, I remember. Every word, every threat, every promise, I remember. To this day, I still live in fear of him. There are no words that anyone could ever say that would take away my fear of him. No one should ever have that power over another person. Even with my tubes tied, I suffered two more miscarriages and gave birth to a set of twin daughters and a final daughter two years later. Bringing my total number of children to five girls and one boy. Unfortunately, each of us fell victim to the unforgivable actions of my husband. So many lies, broken promises, manipulations, beatings, assaults of all sorts and other unspeakable acts. I know of no other family that despite their struggles to remain in tact. There is certainly a large amount of emotional scars. Some of which not even time can heal, others that time has already healed. The permanent restraining order that I hold on tight to gives me little to no comfort. It’s the support of friends and family that brings me the happiness I need. I thank goodness for the three true men of my life.  My dad who although quite strict and firm showed love and affection, my son who despite the violent male role models in his life still came to be the man I hoped he would become and to my current husband, who is the one man that has ever showed me the love, care and patience the me and my children always needed. By the time my divorce became final, too many years had passed. But my husband was patient. We lived together for two years before getting married and are now coming up on four years of happy marriage. I often find myself wondering why this amazing relationship couldn’t have happened first, but I of course know it was to give me the six gifts sent from the heavens, my children. I wouldn’t change anything if it meant that they couldn’t be my children.

With all this said and done the cold hard reality is that it shouldn’t take a celebrity, being abused before Domestic Violence becomes an important issue. Domestic Violence has been around since the beginning of time. If you think about the behavior of the cave man clocking his woman over the head and dragging her hair, that barbaric action should have been a true sign of Domestic Violence and how insignificant the feelings of a woman has meant to a man since the beginning of time. With this being said, Domestic Violence affects men, women and children. Victims can be sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, friends, or neighbors. Domestic Violence can be inflicted in so many ways, whether it be physical, verbal, emotional or sexual, the fear that holds its victims hostage is real. Sometimes you see, bruises, scars, or dismemberment. Sometimes you can’t see the physical scars, but you notice the behavioral changes in an individual that’s been abused. They will pull away at even the idea of being touch. Victims may not be able to hold a conversation around a topic related to their family and relationships with particular members that may be abusing them. Roommates can also be party to domestic violence relationships, as long as you are living together in the same place when the abuse occurs you are considered to be in an abusive situation.

The reality is, there just haven’t been enough every day people willing to put themselves out there to the proper authorities, when they are abused. Sometimes they will get so far as to go into the police department to press charges then refuse to follow through and testify. Domestic Violence kills it is no joke and there is often no coming back from your injuries. All victims must understand the importance of getting out of the situation quickly, but safely. Let as many people know and trust as possible about what is going on in your situation so that the authorities are more apt to be able to help you when and if the need arises.

If you end up having to move to keep yourself and/or family members safe, make sure not to share information with people you don’t feel you can trust, especially those who may have had a close connection to your abuser. Change your normal returns so that your abuser can’t keep track of you the way they did before. This might sound scary, because it is, but it will keep you safer in the long run. Just be aware of your surroundings at all times.

The most important piece of advice I have for you is to seek domestic violence therapy. It truly helped me and changed my life for the better. If done properly it can help you live a life with much less fear and learn skills so that you don’t find yourself in a repeat situation. Unfortunately, life gives us no guarantees we have to do our level best to make sure we find ways to make things function the way we feel we need them too. Thereby ensuring we have the best tools to do so.

The internet is a great thing, we now have access to more information than ever before from the comfort of whatever place we want it. Take advantage of it. There’s no excuse. When you are strong enough and safe enough, find a way to help others get stronger and we will be one step closer to ending this horrendous infestation of violence.

Please note: This write up is purely my own opinion based on my personal experiences and based on what I’ve seen as I went through my own process. I’ve read many articles, attended many groups, spoken to and advised many other women and a few men based on my experiences.


My Poem of the Day

(09/23/14)

Give and Take©

There is much that I know

And I’m willing to share my knowledge

There is much that I still need to learn

And I’m hoping you’ll lead the way

There is much that I’ve seen through the years

There are many changes I would like to see happen

I’m willing to lend the hands needed to see them come to fruition

There are many stories and experiences I have to tell

But my ears are wide open and ready to hear yours when you’re willing to share them

This world is full of “Give and Take”

And it’s by far the best way to teach and the best way to learn

Copyright 2014

Give and Take©

Felina Silver Robinson


My Poem of the Day

(09/22/14) #2

I’ve Had It©

There is no end to what I can do

No ease in what I have to say

I can do it with or without feeling

On any given day

But I’d like the comfort of you warmth

And

The feel of your touch

When we are together it’s just magnetic

Which is why I have to end it

Because I just can’t seem to get anything done

And

I’ve had it!

Copyright 2014

I’ve Had It©

Felina Silver Robinson


My Poem of the Day

(09/22/14)

A Mother Lost©

A mother loves her child

Through thick and thin

Inside and Out

The question is

Does she love herself the same

Mother and child

Two peas in a pod

Filled with laughter

Filled with hope

Lending a hand wherever it’s needed

Giving smiles a mile long with hugs that comfort

A mothers job is never done

A mothers job is never easy

Sometimes the toll it takes goes unseen

Sometimes the wounds just won’t heal

Sometimes there’s no more running and no more hiding

Sometimes those who vowed to protect her just can’t do what it takes to save her

So feeling she no longer has a choice

She thinks it best to leave this place

The Place she’s called home

With those she’s dedicated her life to

But she chooses to leave without them

Including her child

The one she adores

The one she vowed to protect at any cost

Maybe, just maybe

She felt this what was best

So now she’s gone

Seated high above with the angels

Looking down on her child

Hoping to be forgiven

For what she felt was right

Believing things would be better

A mother will always do anything

To protect those she loves

This mother was lost

But now she’s found

High in the sky

Just glance up above and you may see her

She’s the one with the bubbly laugh

And the smile that doesn’t quit

Copyright 2014

A Mother Lost©

Felina Silver Robinson

This poem is dedicated to a friend of mine who passed away recently.

She leaves behind her loving son and new husband. May she find her peace in the sky above.