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 My Throwback Thursday Poem

(October 16, 2014)

Tanisha in front of brook park

My Own Little Einstein©

Copyright 2014

Back in the day

Combined Block Parties were the big thing

Perry Street, Tabor Place, Brook Street and Hurd Road

If you weren’t there you were definitely square

My own little Einstein pictured above

Thinking hard about what the picture means

She was definitely a critic back then

Our streets may have been loud

But very proud

The diversity

The strength, intellect, and dialect

We saw good times

We saw bad times

Picketers

Abortion clinic shootings

Drugs for sale

And murder for hire

You may not have known

You may not of heard about it

But if you don’t want to believe it

You’re only fooling yourself

But my own little Einstein knew that times would be changing

She knew they’d get better and we turn a corner

All that was bad became good

And all the was old became new

We stuck together like one big happy family

It took our village to raise our children

Who’ve now all gotten ahead

They’re doing their own thing

But never forgetting where they came from

Holding close to their kin

Oh my little Einstein you were right once again

My Own Little Einstein©

Felina Silver Robinson



Click here to see who the siblings are

ryangosling-mandi-gosling

 


 

My Throwback Thursday Poem

(October 16, 2014)

The Rulers of Tomorrow©

Children

The rulers of tomorrow

They start-off looking like little seeds in a nest

Inside their mother’s womb

Not even their mothers know who they will turn out to be

She waits nine long months as they toss about

Making themselves comfortable for the duration

They’re thinking

Only they know their thoughts

One day they will be the rulers of the world

But for now they sit and process what the world is all about

For now

They enchant you with their youth and beauty

As they grow

They change and their minds are strengthening

Preparing for their roles ahead

Still molding

Still deciding

On just what they’ll do

But some day you know

They’ll be ruling you

So be careful of what you do

Because I’m sure they will always remember

What you’ve done

Copyright 2014

The Rulers of Tomorrow©

Felina Silver Robinson

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe Kids Summer 2005

 


Domestic Violence: An unwanted past, an unwanted future© by Felina Silver Robinson

Due to things that happened in my own life at a young age I seemed prone to relationships with abusive men. I know they had their own past but I was determined not to allow them to steal my future. It appeared that I was a magnet of sorts for problem men. They looked good on the outside and even did good things. They let me see the side they needed me to see so that I would submit to all they wanted. When the time was right and the trap was set, they struck bit, by bit, by bit. The first time I was just purely naive with little to no experience with men. So much so, I had a miscarriage and didn’t even have any idea I was pregnant. After the miscarriage, the abuse started. It felt like I allowed to happen until I found myself unconscious on the bathroom floor. Waking up after 3 days not realizing what had happened to me or why. I just had to take some sort of action. I maneuvered my way out when my boyfriend had gone to work. My father retrieved me and took me back home. After two years of unspeakable violence, one miscarriage and one child, it was over. My mistake was not getting help once it was all said and done. I had no preparation telling me what to look for the next time around.

Just two years later I found myself with what I thought to be an amazing man. After 4 years we were married. Literally, the moment the ring slipped over the knuckle of my ring finger, my stomach dropped. Something felt so wrong. I brushed it off and felt it had to be nervous jitters. We enjoyed our reception, had a strange honeymoon and then returned home.  Things started getting uncomfortable because he was always angry about something. There was nothing I could do to satisfy him. Then he decided he was mad because we lived in apartment that we paid rent for above my parents. So his sister bought a condo for us to move into. Little did I know it was really so she could control my husband.  My husband being angry at her, took it out on me and things just went from bad to worse. One day it got so bad. My then 4 1/2-year-old daughter found me cowering in a corner because I had been kicked in the stomach. 4 days later I had a miscarriage. Time passed and things got no better. 5 and 1/2 months later I decided to move to New Hampshire when a good business opportunity arose. Luckily, I had already filed for divorce. Little did I know however I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. That wasn’t going to make me turn back. After a year, the business that had sent me to New Hampshire sent me home.

I had no put my older daughter in school and was lucky to have onsite daycare at my new job for my baby. I was able to walk to work in 10 minutes things couldn’t get any better. Divorced for two years, my friends thought it was funny and they published an add in a local paper and fixed me up on a blind date. He was sweet. Much bigger of a man than I normally felt comfortable with, but there was a subtle warmness to him. He became my big teddybear. After dating for only 4 months, we were married. Two months afterwards we were married. A month later I miscarried. Not too long after I was pregnant again. at Christmas time a change came over my husband I saw a side I hadn’t seen before. It was ugly and violent. He would call from work saying horrendous things, he had done unspeakable things to both me and my children. After slamming me, his then pregnant wife against the wall, I kicked him out. Come to find out he had bipolar and had taken himself off of his medication, thinking that since he was supposedly happily married he had been cured. Boy was he wrong. Click here to read more on that story. So much went wrong after that. A restraining order and two separate arrests. I had no choice. I kicked him out for the final time.

Almost four years later, my mother-in-law reminds me that her son has been gone for a while and that Seth needs a man in his life. I really wasn’t ready, I had been through so much. My niece and eldest daughter took matters into their own hands and put an ad in our local newspaper in the singles section. There I found my third husband. This was by far the best and worst of all of my relationships to that point. Every moment of every event, I remember. Every word, every threat, every promise, I remember. To this day, I still live in fear of him. There are no words that anyone could ever say that would take away my fear of him. No one should ever have that power over another person. Even with my tubes tied, I suffered two more miscarriages and gave birth to a set of twin daughters and a final daughter two years later. Bringing my total number of children to five girls and one boy. Unfortunately, each of us fell victim to the unforgivable actions of my husband. So many lies, broken promises, manipulations, beatings, assaults of all sorts and other unspeakable acts. I know of no other family that despite their struggles to remain in tact. There is certainly a large amount of emotional scars. Some of which not even time can heal, others that time has already healed. The permanent restraining order that I hold on tight to gives me little to no comfort. It’s the support of friends and family that brings me the happiness I need. I thank goodness for the three true men of my life.  My dad who although quite strict and firm showed love and affection, my son who despite the violent male role models in his life still came to be the man I hoped he would become and to my current husband, who is the one man that has ever showed me the love, care and patience the me and my children always needed. By the time my divorce became final, too many years had passed. But my husband was patient. We lived together for two years before getting married and are now coming up on four years of happy marriage. I often find myself wondering why this amazing relationship couldn’t have happened first, but I of course know it was to give me the six gifts sent from the heavens, my children. I wouldn’t change anything if it meant that they couldn’t be my children.

With all this said and done the cold hard reality is that it shouldn’t take a celebrity, being abused before Domestic Violence becomes an important issue. Domestic Violence has been around since the beginning of time. If you think about the behavior of the cave man clocking his woman over the head and dragging her hair, that barbaric action should have been a true sign of Domestic Violence and how insignificant the feelings of a woman has meant to a man since the beginning of time. With this being said, Domestic Violence affects men, women and children. Victims can be sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, friends, or neighbors. Domestic Violence can be inflicted in so many ways, whether it be physical, verbal, emotional or sexual, the fear that holds its victims hostage is real. Sometimes you see, bruises, scars, or dismemberment. Sometimes you can’t see the physical scars, but you notice the behavioral changes in an individual that’s been abused. They will pull away at even the idea of being touch. Victims may not be able to hold a conversation around a topic related to their family and relationships with particular members that may be abusing them. Roommates can also be party to domestic violence relationships, as long as you are living together in the same place when the abuse occurs you are considered to be in an abusive situation.

The reality is, there just haven’t been enough every day people willing to put themselves out there to the proper authorities, when they are abused. Sometimes they will get so far as to go into the police department to press charges then refuse to follow through and testify. Domestic Violence kills it is no joke and there is often no coming back from your injuries. All victims must understand the importance of getting out of the situation quickly, but safely. Let as many people know and trust as possible about what is going on in your situation so that the authorities are more apt to be able to help you when and if the need arises.

If you end up having to move to keep yourself and/or family members safe, make sure not to share information with people you don’t feel you can trust, especially those who may have had a close connection to your abuser. Change your normal returns so that your abuser can’t keep track of you the way they did before. This might sound scary, because it is, but it will keep you safer in the long run. Just be aware of your surroundings at all times.

The most important piece of advice I have for you is to seek domestic violence therapy. It truly helped me and changed my life for the better. If done properly it can help you live a life with much less fear and learn skills so that you don’t find yourself in a repeat situation. Unfortunately, life gives us no guarantees we have to do our level best to make sure we find ways to make things function the way we feel we need them too. Thereby ensuring we have the best tools to do so.

The internet is a great thing, we now have access to more information than ever before from the comfort of whatever place we want it. Take advantage of it. There’s no excuse. When you are strong enough and safe enough, find a way to help others get stronger and we will be one step closer to ending this horrendous infestation of violence.

Please note: This write up is purely my own opinion based on my personal experiences and based on what I’ve seen as I went through my own process. I’ve read many articles, attended many groups, spoken to and advised many other women and a few men based on my experiences.


My Poem of the Day

(09-25-14)

The Art of Pain and Loss©

None of us go through life

Without losing someone we love

Some of us feel like we lose more than others

Some of us put on a happy face and work hard to push on

Some of us just can’t keep it together and begin to fall apart at the seams

Seemingly becoming completely unglued

There’s no ease to losing someone close to you

Especially when this someone has been a big part of your life

Whether it be since the beginning of time or a short time

Only you know how deep and significant your relationship was

We all have to remember not to lose ourselves within our pain

Because we will do an injustice to those that we’ve lost

They leave hoping that we can do better to carry on without them

Sometimes in spite of them

No one wins if there’s no one left to carry on

Some think that the only art there is …

Is an act, a picture, a story, or music

But reality is

Life is an art

It’s an art of pain and loss

Life and love

And

Life and Death

We all have our parts

Good or Bad

But the show must go on

Carry on sweet friend of mine

Copyright 2014

The Art of Pain and Loss©

Felina Silver Robinson

This Poem is written in Loving memory of Frederick “Freddy” Berzon, who was not an uncle by blood, but was a best friend to my dad.  Therefore he was my uncle. I knew him since I was quite young and he was always there. Anyone who brought Joy to my dad, brought Joy to me. I will miss the friendship and love he offered to so many. It will be strange never seeing him again. I just can’t imagine it. I know that he is off to a better place to start a new chapter of his life. I hope he will carry the love that we all have for him with him always.


My Poem of the Day

(09/13/14)

Alone And Lonely You Will Be!©

Simple thoughts

With no real intentions

Lead to actions

Not likely to be forgiven

You start with a promise

That’s never fulfilled

That ends with tears on a pillow

That are definitely not yours

You say many things that are just words that flow

They sound nice

But mean nothing

Because you never follow through

Even when everyone is depending on you

A room full of waiting eyes

Waiting to see if you’ll show up

Not wanting to believe you won’t show up again

Even though you promised not to mess up again

They just seem to always give you the benefit of the doubt

But what’s most important to you is that ego of yours

It’s always just only the things you want that keep you company at night

The ones who love you mean nothing any more

Just be careful

They might just be showing you the door

Your family and friends will only wait so long

Don’t let your ego win out

For you will be standing alone

Copyright 2014

Alone And Lonely You Will Be!©


My Poem of the Day

(09/12/14)

Birthday Wishes©

74 years ago today

My mother was born

Of course I couldn’t have known her then

But I know her now

I know that had things been different

I might not be the person I now am today

So I thank you mother

On this special day

For bringing me here

To this place we both live

You have your pride

And

You stay true in all that you do

You are loved by many

Known by many

And remain

The envy of many

Your strength and determination

Has gotten you far

The love you hold onto

Has pulled you through trying times

You have much to show

For your years on this earth

I can certainly say

That I’m proud to be amongst your accomplishments

So as you celebrate today

Know that there are many of us

Out here thinking

Of all that we owe to having you in our lives

You’re not just a memory

You’re a piece of our minds as well as our hearts

We’ll never go on thinking

Without remembering

All that you’ve done

So keep on living this life of yours

So we can keep on building our memories

There’s nothing better than looking back

And seeing all that you’ve had

All that you were

And all that you still have yet to be

I happily light a birthday candle

That will shine brightly

Each day

Until next year on this same day

When once again

I get to say thank you

In my own way

But now I

Thank the lord for our family

Enjoy!

Copyright 2014

Birthday Wishes©

Felina Silver Robinson

This poem is written for my mother who turned 74 years of age today.

I love you mom!