Archives For Domestic Violence


Domestic Violence: An unwanted past, an unwanted future© by Felina Silver Robinson

Due to things that happened in my own life at a young age I seemed prone to relationships with abusive men. I know they had their own past but I was determined not to allow them to steal my future. It appeared that I was a magnet of sorts for problem men. They looked good on the outside and even did good things. They let me see the side they needed me to see so that I would submit to all they wanted. When the time was right and the trap was set, they struck bit, by bit, by bit. The first time I was just purely naive with little to no experience with men. So much so, I had a miscarriage and didn’t even have any idea I was pregnant. After the miscarriage, the abuse started. It felt like I allowed to happen until I found myself unconscious on the bathroom floor. Waking up after 3 days not realizing what had happened to me or why. I just had to take some sort of action. I maneuvered my way out when my boyfriend had gone to work. My father retrieved me and took me back home. After two years of unspeakable violence, one miscarriage and one child, it was over. My mistake was not getting help once it was all said and done. I had no preparation telling me what to look for the next time around.

Just two years later I found myself with what I thought to be an amazing man. After 4 years we were married. Literally, the moment the ring slipped over the knuckle of my ring finger, my stomach dropped. Something felt so wrong. I brushed it off and felt it had to be nervous jitters. We enjoyed our reception, had a strange honeymoon and then returned home.  Things started getting uncomfortable because he was always angry about something. There was nothing I could do to satisfy him. Then he decided he was mad because we lived in apartment that we paid rent for above my parents. So his sister bought a condo for us to move into. Little did I know it was really so she could control my husband.  My husband being angry at her, took it out on me and things just went from bad to worse. One day it got so bad. My then 4 1/2-year-old daughter found me cowering in a corner because I had been kicked in the stomach. 4 days later I had a miscarriage. Time passed and things got no better. 5 and 1/2 months later I decided to move to New Hampshire when a good business opportunity arose. Luckily, I had already filed for divorce. Little did I know however I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. That wasn’t going to make me turn back. After a year, the business that had sent me to New Hampshire sent me home.

I had no put my older daughter in school and was lucky to have onsite daycare at my new job for my baby. I was able to walk to work in 10 minutes things couldn’t get any better. Divorced for two years, my friends thought it was funny and they published an add in a local paper and fixed me up on a blind date. He was sweet. Much bigger of a man than I normally felt comfortable with, but there was a subtle warmness to him. He became my big teddybear. After dating for only 4 months, we were married. Two months afterwards we were married. A month later I miscarried. Not too long after I was pregnant again. at Christmas time a change came over my husband I saw a side I hadn’t seen before. It was ugly and violent. He would call from work saying horrendous things, he had done unspeakable things to both me and my children. After slamming me, his then pregnant wife against the wall, I kicked him out. Come to find out he had bipolar and had taken himself off of his medication, thinking that since he was supposedly happily married he had been cured. Boy was he wrong. Click here to read more on that story. So much went wrong after that. A restraining order and two separate arrests. I had no choice. I kicked him out for the final time.

Almost four years later, my mother-in-law reminds me that her son has been gone for a while and that Seth needs a man in his life. I really wasn’t ready, I had been through so much. My niece and eldest daughter took matters into their own hands and put an ad in our local newspaper in the singles section. There I found my third husband. This was by far the best and worst of all of my relationships to that point. Every moment of every event, I remember. Every word, every threat, every promise, I remember. To this day, I still live in fear of him. There are no words that anyone could ever say that would take away my fear of him. No one should ever have that power over another person. Even with my tubes tied, I suffered two more miscarriages and gave birth to a set of twin daughters and a final daughter two years later. Bringing my total number of children to five girls and one boy. Unfortunately, each of us fell victim to the unforgivable actions of my husband. So many lies, broken promises, manipulations, beatings, assaults of all sorts and other unspeakable acts. I know of no other family that despite their struggles to remain in tact. There is certainly a large amount of emotional scars. Some of which not even time can heal, others that time has already healed. The permanent restraining order that I hold on tight to gives me little to no comfort. It’s the support of friends and family that brings me the happiness I need. I thank goodness for the three true men of my life.  My dad who although quite strict and firm showed love and affection, my son who despite the violent male role models in his life still came to be the man I hoped he would become and to my current husband, who is the one man that has ever showed me the love, care and patience the me and my children always needed. By the time my divorce became final, too many years had passed. But my husband was patient. We lived together for two years before getting married and are now coming up on four years of happy marriage. I often find myself wondering why this amazing relationship couldn’t have happened first, but I of course know it was to give me the six gifts sent from the heavens, my children. I wouldn’t change anything if it meant that they couldn’t be my children.

With all this said and done the cold hard reality is that it shouldn’t take a celebrity, being abused before Domestic Violence becomes an important issue. Domestic Violence has been around since the beginning of time. If you think about the behavior of the cave man clocking his woman over the head and dragging her hair, that barbaric action should have been a true sign of Domestic Violence and how insignificant the feelings of a woman has meant to a man since the beginning of time. With this being said, Domestic Violence affects men, women and children. Victims can be sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, friends, or neighbors. Domestic Violence can be inflicted in so many ways, whether it be physical, verbal, emotional or sexual, the fear that holds its victims hostage is real. Sometimes you see, bruises, scars, or dismemberment. Sometimes you can’t see the physical scars, but you notice the behavioral changes in an individual that’s been abused. They will pull away at even the idea of being touch. Victims may not be able to hold a conversation around a topic related to their family and relationships with particular members that may be abusing them. Roommates can also be party to domestic violence relationships, as long as you are living together in the same place when the abuse occurs you are considered to be in an abusive situation.

The reality is, there just haven’t been enough every day people willing to put themselves out there to the proper authorities, when they are abused. Sometimes they will get so far as to go into the police department to press charges then refuse to follow through and testify. Domestic Violence kills it is no joke and there is often no coming back from your injuries. All victims must understand the importance of getting out of the situation quickly, but safely. Let as many people know and trust as possible about what is going on in your situation so that the authorities are more apt to be able to help you when and if the need arises.

If you end up having to move to keep yourself and/or family members safe, make sure not to share information with people you don’t feel you can trust, especially those who may have had a close connection to your abuser. Change your normal returns so that your abuser can’t keep track of you the way they did before. This might sound scary, because it is, but it will keep you safer in the long run. Just be aware of your surroundings at all times.

The most important piece of advice I have for you is to seek domestic violence therapy. It truly helped me and changed my life for the better. If done properly it can help you live a life with much less fear and learn skills so that you don’t find yourself in a repeat situation. Unfortunately, life gives us no guarantees we have to do our level best to make sure we find ways to make things function the way we feel we need them too. Thereby ensuring we have the best tools to do so.

The internet is a great thing, we now have access to more information than ever before from the comfort of whatever place we want it. Take advantage of it. There’s no excuse. When you are strong enough and safe enough, find a way to help others get stronger and we will be one step closer to ending this horrendous infestation of violence.

Please note: This write up is purely my own opinion based on my personal experiences and based on what I’ve seen as I went through my own process. I’ve read many articles, attended many groups, spoken to and advised many other women and a few men based on my experiences.


 Alleging Domestic Violence and Threats

Sarah Hyland, Matt Prokop, Coachella


My Poem of the Day

(09/18/14) #3

Domestic Violence

When Someone You Know Needs Help!©

I know you’ve seen it

But were too embarrassed

To do anything

To say anything

Sometimes you were paralyzed with fear from what you saw

You had nightmares riddled with guilt

Wondering if anything became of what you saw

But told no one about

Your next encounter

Is in your very own building

You’re unlocking your apartment door

And

You spot a child in the corridor with his father

Being punched in the face

Then kicked in the buttox

He couldn’t have been more than 9 years old

You know there is nothing that warrants that type of abuse

Domestic Violence has all sorts of ages

All sorts faces

The reasons

Excuses are endlessly mounted

By

Alcoholics

Those suffering from

Mental Illness

Head Injuries

And

Anger Management

Sometimes though

It’s due to just plain ignorance

When we don’t teach

There’s nothing to learn

When we don’t correct bad behavior

It just continues

When we allow the behavior

We nourish it

When we let the behavior go unpunished

More innocent people end up maimed or dying

Then we are left with the aftermath

Families in therapy for what could be the rest of their lives

Don’t stand there watching

When Someone You Know Needs Help!

You never know when fate is aimed your way

Guilt and innocence

You pick a side

Copyright 2014

When Someone You Know Needs Help!©

Felina Silver Robinson

This poem is one of many written in the hopes of raising awareness about domestic violence.  This is a serious problem that has plagued us all for decades even centuries. I believe its been inbred in many and they are not even aware of what they are doing nor are the aware of the consequences to themselves or their victims.  Changes can only be made once the problem is acknowledged and both the victim and the abuser become willing to take action only then can progress be made. Are you ready to lend a hand or a shoulder to those in need? Take Action and defeat the beast known as Domestic Violence.


My Poem of the Day

(09/18/14) #2

Domestic Violence

Why?©

Why when I tell you the truth

You insist it’s a lie

You frisk me like a thief in the night

Searching for what

I can only imagine

You come up empty handed

But I’m not so lucky

I end up with the whites of your knuckles

Tattooed across my body

Like an artist paints his canvas

Even as I quiver

And tears run down my face

Your bantering continues to ring through my ears

A small red puddle starts to gather at me feet

Your guess is as good as mine

As to where it comes from

After a while I can no longer hear your voice

I’ve drifted off to somewhere else

Somewhere darker and yet serene

Anything is better than here

I’m thinking to myself

Why couldn’t I get others to listen

To believe what I was saying

Didn’t they wonder why

I was always covered up

Even on the warmest day

Didn’t they wonder why

I always had to run home

As if being time in a race and may the best one win

They never questioned why my phone was always ringing

And the tears streamed down my face

Each day I was trapped

And there was no turning back

There was nowhere to run

Nowhere to hide

I had run out of time

And now the phantom had come to collect me

Before it was my time

And all because no one ever questioned

Why?

Copyright 2014

Why©

Felina Silver Robinson

This poem is one of many written in the hopes of raising awareness about domestic violence.  This is a serious problem that has plagued us all for decades even centuries. I believe its been inbred in many and they are not even aware of what they are doing nor are the aware of the consequences to themselves or their victims.  Changes can only be made once the problem is acknowledged and both the victim and the abuser become willing to take action only then can progress be made. Are you ready to lend a hand or a shoulder to those in need? Take Action and defeat the beast known as Domestic Violence.


My Poem of the Day

(09/17/14)

Changes in the Wind My Friend©

No longer will you get away with

All that you’ve done

Everyone is watching you

You have no say in where you might be going

The hand you passed the ball with

The hand that held me tight

Close in the dead of night

It’s the same hand that sent me crying

For fear of dying

When you threatened to keep on trying

Until someday when I wasn’t looking

You would come undone

And finish what you started

Well my friend

I just thought you just might want to know

That change is in the wind

Now the shoe will be on the other foot

You’ll be under the scope for all to see

So all that you’ve done will no longer be a secret

Everyone will know what you’ve done and l

Will be sitting in wait to pass judgement on you

Change is in the wind my friend

I’d like to see you quiver,

I’d even like to see you cry

Just so I know you are human

And have real feelings

Just like the rest of us

May you now learn how to treat me better

May you come to know true love

May you learn to give without having to take

May you learn how to both ask as well as give forgiveness

May you see the changes in the wind

And open your arms and embrace it

Copyright 2014

Changes in the Wind My Friend©

Felli


Wife allegedly beaten by fighter hubby wants him back


My Poem of the Day

From the Voice of Domestic Violence

(08/10/14)

Do You Know What You Mean to Me

I’m grateful that you brought me back from the darker side of life

I was stripped of who I once was

There was no rhyme and no reason

Just a man with power who was in control

He chased away all those who mattered to me

He cut me off from all I once enjoyed

No longer allowed to venture out alone

No phone calls not monitored by him

No trips to the bathroom

Calls at work being certain I was their

Check Ins required with every departure and arrival

I was trapped inside my own private hell

Bruised and beaten by a man claiming love

He said that he owned me

And would take what he wanted

When he wanted

There was no one to stop him

Everyone had gone

Everyone had scattered

Friends I thought I had

Couldn’t, just wouldn’t be bothered

Even knowing what he could do

to me and the children

I had to find freedom

From the monster I married

No one deserves to live in such fear

So when he left on his road trip for work

I changed the lock on the door

And

Sent him packing

No longer did I have to

see him, touch him, love him, be with him

You saved me

You gave me strength to stand up

And become who I once was again

I don’t have the words to tell you what that means to me

Without your care and compassion

I don’t know where or who I would be

You were there when no one else was

You knew without asking what I had been through

You passed no judgement

You just helped me get my life back

No I’m stronger than ever before

All I can do is say “Thank You”

And promise that you’ll never find me there again

Do you know what you mean to me?


Copyright 2014

Do You Know What You Mean To Me?©

From the Voice of Domestic Violence

Felina Silver Robinson